"Patience". I don't know what that is... yet.

I recently wrote a piece for my LinkedIn profile regarding how our qualities and credentials as employees, leaders and career people are not always what we can put on paper, or even something tangible, but they are still important in defining our career "success" and our future potential.
With all of that blog written, I applied for and was accepted into two universities (the only two that I applied for) to complete my MBA. It turns out my qualifications are enough... although I have to give credit to the admissions process for both courses, as they wanted personal statements as well; so I was able to spout my life story about "just getting on with it, even though life throws things at you..."
For those who know me, I am the person who makes a decision and then follows through with that decision, straight away. I have never had a real process of thinking, reflecting, being still or stopping. Decide, do. Simple in my mind. 
In the past year, I have been challenged by a dear wise friend (okay okay, so there have been more than one... a lot more people challenging me...) to SLOW DOWN and listen to God... Actually, I was to slow down, ASK God and WAIT for his answer. Ouch, like a slap in the face. Just because previously, I decided and did, doesn't mean that God wants me to do that all the time, for everything...There were times in my life where that kind of approach to life, worked immensely to the benefit or myself and those around me but it doesn't always work that way, more recently it hasn't been working that way, and I was struggling immensely with the fear of waiting, the fear of not having a plan, a goal or a challenge. I was struggling to the point of being physically and mentally unwell for about a year. Why am I so afraid to wait? Why am I sick, challenged and fearful when I am not busy, have no goals, nothing to aim for achieve or submit on a learning portal? 
Sometimes, God asks us to wait... "Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14.
Today, I am still waiting. I am not sure how strong I am in that wait, and my heart is sometimes not that courageous to wait... in fact, I am absolutely terrible at waiting. I loathe waiting. But God is asking me to be still and listen and wait. In this waiting, God has healed me. I am no longer physically sick, I have less headaches, more time for people and to be immersed in things that matter, people. Will I do the MBA? I don't know. I can if I accept the offer, but I also have the choice to decline the offer. I don't know which button to push at this stage, so I have asked God... now I need to wait for His reply.
So today, I want to shout out to that dear friend that lovingly challenged my patience, with a gentle heart, challenges me still, to spend the time before God, asking and waiting patiently for His reply. He hasn't answered me yet, but I am confident that the waiting is for His purpose.

Moisturiser and Humbleness

This morning, my husband comes up to me and decides it would be a good, fun way of saying goodbye to wipe (RUB all over) hand moisturiser onto my face, give me a kiss and walk out the door. 

I wasn't happy at all. AT ALL. Why? Because I have 'face issues'- pimples. I spend lots of money, time and inner thoughts on how I can improve or get rid of the pimples I get in my 30's. Hand Moisturiser on my face, is not one of them. It is way too oily for an already too oily face.

I realised that my insecurities didn't help my mood nor how I said goodbye to my well intentioned husband. All those thoughts clouded the true meaning of the interaction we could have had this morning. God asks of us to "lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely" (Hebrews 12:1). The reason why God wants me to lay aside this weight of mine, is so that I can see and experience the joy my husband can bring, so that I can experience God (through my hubby's humour and love) and the blessing that brings to my morning and my day. My husband (and God) knows I struggle with my face (among other insecurities), but I have never actually realised what a burden that can be to me and to others! My humble attempt at "making it right" with my hubby is below via text...

What can you lay aside today? What can you release from to see God's love shining through? How can you be humble in others well intentioned kindness?

The beginning of something new... so many ideas, so where do I start? With a blog of course!

So, here I am at the start of a journey I have not felt possible or achievable until now. Writing down my journey of life on a public blog. I have to say, that I am nervous. I hear about people that have less than positive feedback on their blogs or posts and I am not sure I am ready for this. I am hoping for positivity and encouragement, just as the words I write will hopefully give others the same. 
I am normally a fairly private person. Ironic, heard it all before, I hear you say... yeah yeah. I am one of those people.
I have been compelled and encouraged by those close to me that know my story that I should blog, or write a book. I prefer a blog... a book seems entirely large and way too complicated for me. I hated English at school, I am not a creative writer and I struggle to spell anything apart from anatomical parts of the body.
I have to admit, I have written three blogs, on LinkedIn. If you want, check them out under my profile. The problem was, with those links... that I left out a large part of my life... my faith. 
Why? Well, because I am only just learning that my work, faith and personal life are all intertwined, and that it's okay for it to be that way.
I previously had three distinct lives, work, faith and personal. Previously they rarely connected. It was how I survived my adult life until now. So why has it changed now? Because I am changing, I am growing up. At 34, I feel more like an adult. Not just a wanna be. Or perhaps I have been blessed immensely, through all the bad decisions, pain, hurt, hard work and just plain living God has blessed me.