Recently I embarked on a new experience. To travel for the first time alone. It isn't so ground breaking for most, but if you have read my previous posts, you will understand that I have been fairly preoccupied with other things and as much as I have wanted to travel regularly, it wasn't able to happen until I was in my mid 30's.
When discussing travelling alone as a married Christian woman with two children, peoples responses ranged from "that's brilliant, go you" to "what are your husband and children going to do?" Some questioned my marriage, others questioned my faith. My response varied from a hearty thanks and acknowledging the great opportunity, to justifying that my husband is a great father and my children are quite capable of looking after themselves (to a point) as well as responses that included comforting others and clarifying my faith and my marriage (I think I will write more about this in another blog!).
My husband managed the house impeccably (he is neater than me), my children didn't miss me (although they later stated that they sort of missed me after they saw my somewhat saddened face after the first comment) and I learnt a lot of surprising things about myself.
But more than all of this, I had the most heartfelt, deep and fulfilling walk with God in the time I was away. I had no distractions (apart from the amazing country) to keep me from spending time with God and I absolutely loved every minute of it. I was going there expecting to be completely renewed and have a complete understanding of who I was and where I was heading in terms of my career, health and well being and I came home with some answers, but not how I expected them to be answered.
Being married, with a mortgage, children and a career from my early 20's, I never really knew what aspects of me were really me or if it was a reaction or response to life circumstances. Spending time on my own I was able to understand me more and in understanding me, I was able to appreciate why God made me me, and also how and why I fit in my world. So what did I learn?
1. I actually like relaxed mornings. There is something about the long breakfast and not "starting" my day until 10 am. I spent an hour or so each morning reading, writing and speaking with God. I was still awake early, but I wasn't the multitasking, three conversations at once person I usually am. I felt more refreshed and ready for the day when it started at 10 am after some good time with God rather than 8 am. This is ironic to me because with my experience as a studying mother, I used to get up at 4 am to study as this was the best time to get my university work completed without the daily requirements interrupting my thoughts. It also makes me realise that time with God is so important in my life. This aspect of my life has changed since being home and I hope it continues on.
2. I am able to navigate and have great observation skills. I was able to navigate my way around towns, cities and countries with little stress. I generally knew where I was and the direction I was heading. I think I have a photographic memory in this regard. I also enjoyed the navigating part of travelling... not the living in the suitcase part, but the working out where I am and where I was heading and how to get there. I wasn't stressed not knowing where I was going, and if I went the wrong way, I was able to find my way again. I tended to use observation to help me with this. For example. Watching people can give you a great sense of where things are. When I was in Vienna, I wanted to get to the centre of the city, so I looked at where all the people were heading. It was the morning, in the middle of the week. I knew that people would be travelling to work in the centre of the city so I just headed that direction too. I ended up in the middle of Vienna!
3. I don't need to plan my day. I loved the fact that I didn't need to plan exactly where I was going each and every day. Some mornings, I just said to God, "so where are we going to explore today?" Trusting God in this was a truly amazing experience. We explored towns and cities I wouldn't have thought to explore and God blessed me with amazing people and breathtaking beauty in this.
4. I am okay being alone. This was one of the aspects of travelling solo that I was nervous about. I didn't think I would cope being alone. I realised that I can be alone... with God. I enjoy having time alone, but I also enjoy spending time with people. Time away from people gave me energy that I never realised I needed. This is something that I realised is integral to how I will look after myself in the future. The time with myself gave me the time, space and comfort to just reflect, learn, observe, feel and be moved by God. Sitting up the top of a mountain on my own was just amazing. I felt an immense sense of peace and comfort during this particular time that I have never felt before.
5. I like mountains and trees. I think this is something that I knew before, but I was able to confirm it when I was on my own, in the mountains surrounded by trees. Trees and mountains give me energy and time and space.
6. I still don't like heights. Highly ironic when I love mountains. I can do heights. I don't like them, but I can do them! Every time I face this fear, I am always amazed at what God blesses me with once I have been 'up' there. Most of the time it is a spectacular view, sometimes it is a conversation or the opportunity to experience something amazing, like ice caves... in summer! Everyone has fears. I have mine. I have learned to accept it and embrace it. If I can, I will definitely challenge myself in that fear (except my fear of hair), but at the same time, I am okay to say no to that fear as well. Fear is good, fear is healthy. God gives us fear to allow us to trust Him, rely on Him and be comforted by Him.
7. I have a sense of humour. I do. Really, I do. My Instagram post is proof! The Caption was "Views for Today" and I was smiling! God gives me a sense of humour and this helps me to live in the moments that are less than ideal. I love these moments, because I can look back on them with joy, my sense of humour helps me with that.
Travelling alone enabled me to explore what was me and what was the response of my circumstances. So when I look to my future, I can be more confident in who I am. God created me to be an independent capable woman, who hates cooking, cleaning and anything to do with housework. By learning this about myself, or rather God revealing me that who I am is actually a wonderful thing, I have been able to embrace who I am more. I don't feel guilty when I work full time, study and have community commitments even though I have children, because I know that God is using who He created me to be involved in all of these things. I am also aware that I may be asked to change all of this at some stage and I know that I will be able to cope with it. When I feel that I am too strong in character for some social relationships, I also understand that God uses me to be strong and fearless when advocating for others or in times when emotions are not helpful in situations, I can see that He uses me for others. Previously, I spent many times questioning why I am the way I am, but now, I am starting to see what God sees in me and what He requires of me. It doesn't mean that I don't struggle with these things, it just means that I am able to acknowledge the times when I need to be humble and ask God to work through me. The times when God asks me to advocate, then I can thank Him that he gave me the ability to do this fearlessly.
If you get the chance to spend some time working out and testing who you are, spending time with God, seeing the world through His eyes, I highly recommend it... you may be pleasantly surprised. As I was truly blessed.
